Our brains, for better or for worse, like to categorize people, places and things into groups. Specifically groupings that have already been formed based on prior experiences. It’s most likely how we came up with the phrase breaking the mould; when we encounter new things that we’ve never seen and they don’t neatly fit into a preconceived box that we have. As a domestic engineer (my preferred moniker :-D) I’ve encountered quite a bit of negativity and have had to deal with assumptions about who I am and what I’m capable of based on the mould of housewife.
Many many moons ago, I started down the path of science by becoming a nurse. I then entered the world of academia so that I could teach other people how to be nurses and to make more of those oh so important Benjamins. But while I was working, I always felt uncomfortable; like I was forcing myself to be part of a world to which I didn’t belong. And to be honest I haven’t always gotten the best job reviews . . .usually being cited as not a team player. I have to think that’s because it wasn’t the team that I was supposed to be on.
I’ve always known that I wanted to be married and have children. And I’ve been very lucky to be able to be and have both. After the birth of our third child (which was also at the end of my PhD program), I remember having this moment than I can only described as a spiritual moment of wholeness. I was dressing the children - then 4, 2, and newborn - to go out to the pool and while walking down the stairs to go outside and join my husband, there was this overwhelming feeling of completeness. That as a family we were now the team we were meant to be - that I was on the team I was meant to be on. It was shortly after that that I became a full-time stay at home mom. I feel complete wholeness and joy when packing lunches. And I have come across so many incidences, especially in the teenage years, that confirm that my place is in the home; that I’m on the right team and doing the right thing.
Still, that decision was not without issues. It is such a struggle in this consumerism-driven world where most families are two income families. And I have felt guilty for not being able to keep up with the Joneses for my children’s sake even though I know that the consumerism-driven society we live in in not sustainable or even desirable when we start looking at the bigger picture of the health of the individual and the world itself.
Additionally, in the days since becoming a domestic engineer, I have been dismissed because of the surface value that the societal image of housewife conjures. I have been:
But I don’t accept those labels. Especially since I’ve always been of the mindset, this is who I am, I know it, and I’m not going to apologize for it. If you don’t like me, get on your bike, son.
More importantly, the labels aren’t anywhere near being applicable to who I am!
In short, I’m complicated and you can’t define me by forcing me into a mould. I won’t conform to just get along. . .which can make things rough. And I’ve had to make some concessions in order to live in relationship with others. Still, wisdom and age have shown me that not everyone needs to be in your innermost circle of friends and family. Your team should consist of those who believe in you and what you do and will always root for you from the sidelines.
So for all those mould pressers out there who think I’m stupid, can’t pay my own bills, or am being a terrible role mold to my kids, I say: read my article about veganism and osteoporosis; buy something from my Etsy shop; talk to my daughter about female issues in today’s political scene; and then get back to me. I’ll be over here on the sofa eating bon bons and watching my soaps. . .
I’ve always known that I wanted to be married and have children. And I’ve been very lucky to be able to be and have both. After the birth of our third child (which was also at the end of my PhD program), I remember having this moment than I can only described as a spiritual moment of wholeness. I was dressing the children - then 4, 2, and newborn - to go out to the pool and while walking down the stairs to go outside and join my husband, there was this overwhelming feeling of completeness. That as a family we were now the team we were meant to be - that I was on the team I was meant to be on. It was shortly after that that I became a full-time stay at home mom. I feel complete wholeness and joy when packing lunches. And I have come across so many incidences, especially in the teenage years, that confirm that my place is in the home; that I’m on the right team and doing the right thing.
Still, that decision was not without issues. It is such a struggle in this consumerism-driven world where most families are two income families. And I have felt guilty for not being able to keep up with the Joneses for my children’s sake even though I know that the consumerism-driven society we live in in not sustainable or even desirable when we start looking at the bigger picture of the health of the individual and the world itself.
Additionally, in the days since becoming a domestic engineer, I have been dismissed because of the surface value that the societal image of housewife conjures. I have been:
- Dismissed for my intelligence
- Dismissed for my ability to be independent
- Dismissed for my ability to be a role model to my children
But I don’t accept those labels. Especially since I’ve always been of the mindset, this is who I am, I know it, and I’m not going to apologize for it. If you don’t like me, get on your bike, son.
More importantly, the labels aren’t anywhere near being applicable to who I am!
- I have an undergraduate and graduate degree and completed all the coursework for a PhD
- I have published articles in peer-reviewed journals and edited a chapter in a textbook
- I have been to 15 countries and can (almost) fluently speak two languages, not to mention knowing how to say “please” and “thank you” and “Where is the American Embassy?” in a few more.
- I have designed a (very basic) website from scratch using basic HTML.
- I like to drink beer and I miss the taste of a menthol cigarette.
- I’m unemployed but I work hard everyday.
- I have a vagina but on occasion, suffer from penis envy.
- I’m intelligent but sometimes wish I could turn my thoughts off.
- I’ve experienced many cultures but still think the only real bacon comes from Hatfield Farms.
- I do more than bake cookies and fold laundry.
In short, I’m complicated and you can’t define me by forcing me into a mould. I won’t conform to just get along. . .which can make things rough. And I’ve had to make some concessions in order to live in relationship with others. Still, wisdom and age have shown me that not everyone needs to be in your innermost circle of friends and family. Your team should consist of those who believe in you and what you do and will always root for you from the sidelines.
So for all those mould pressers out there who think I’m stupid, can’t pay my own bills, or am being a terrible role mold to my kids, I say: read my article about veganism and osteoporosis; buy something from my Etsy shop; talk to my daughter about female issues in today’s political scene; and then get back to me. I’ll be over here on the sofa eating bon bons and watching my soaps. . .
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